I,m on a roll here,

Yesterday i found the time and inclination to update you all as to my mental state and now i find myself with more time than i am used to. So, here we go again.

This time courtesy of British Airways. Well, lets get this straight, British Airways have left me in Lisbon Limbo by cancelling my Flight out at 12:00 and i am now trapped here in the Airport lounge drinking Champagne and eating Peanuts.

They say i might get on the last Flight out tonigjht at 18:50 but they can't promise....
Luckily, i have my Priority pass and am able to lounge around at their expense watching Eurosport which is wierd because yesterday i was just saying hopw i wanted to get some kind of life back and here we go.... I am watching the Paris - Nice Cycling and the Ski Jumping without a care in the World.

This is what i need ... Time to waste !!!

Did you see the 'round up' of the Milan Olympics ?? There aws this Canadian Guy in the Snow Boarding and he had already won the Gold Medal.

All he had to do was go Straight down the middle but he did this amazing thing...

Without any kind of fancy manouvres, he just went from side to side getting as much Air as he could and just enjoying every second. He just went higher and higher and each time a perfect landing into the Half-pipe. It was exhilerating just to watch.. He went soo high it was amazing and such a pleasure to see.

Then, today to watch the Ski Jumping, these Guys must have Balls like a Rhino, i mean, occasionally you get to see just how steep that thing is and you have to say WOW !!

If my spelling is to cock it is because i have had too much to drink but what the Hell Eh !!

I am so excited about the House. I wanted to go there tonight but obviously that is not possible and i will have to imagine how far they have got but all ican think about is Floor Tiles and Wall Tiles and Paint....Ha Ha Ha !!

It is great ..

I have so much to Say but I'm very tired and i have to keep seeing what is happening with my Flight.

Take care X

Hey,

This is really weird, Due to my legendary lack of Computer skills, i am attempting to write this into a Portuguese version of Live journal.

Lisbon is just what i need at the moment for lots of reasons. Work takes up all of my time and i just want to let go for a while.

Lazy Daze in Cafes and Bars trying to get a few things straight in my mind.

My eldest Sister has died and that has forced me to confront a few truths about myself.

1 - I am only 4 years younger than her !
2 - I feel completely alone on a day to day basis !!
3 - I have to do something about it !!!

One at a time then. The age thing is odd because i consistently think of myself as 30. That means i have been thirty for 15 years. Sure i get tired quicker and i can hardly bend down to tie my Boots up but doesn't everyone have that problem ?

I have always been active but my current lifestyle means i eat late and do precious little by way of exercise. This has to stop. I feel well in myself but i naturally ask wether there are any surprises waiting round the corner.

Healthier eating, less drinking and more exercise are habits i need, and want to adopt. I will lose up to a stone in weight. That means i will weigh less than 11 Stone.

Either being, or just feeling alone, is the one that i am most concerned about.
Angelas death has made me think about the nature of 'Family'. I know i am supposed to be sad because she was my Sister but that simply isn't the case.

For better or worse i have grown up without those ideals and i still don't really know how i feel about that. Would it have been better any other way.

Angela and i were not close and that was down to me in the end. By that i mean that she would have had it otherwise. We had a disagreement years ago and i never felt the need to resolve it. Not because i held a grudge as my family think. But because i had no reason to. Throughout my life people have come and gone. My Father was not around as a kid and i did not agree with anything my Mother did or said. I spent as much time as i could out of the House. This meant i learned to be self sufficient in most things and that has never changed.I have not kept in touch with People from School, i do not have an obvious circle of Friends, i find it hard to keep in touch with Colleagues prefering to 'do my own thing'. I get a lot of criticism for it but it's natural for me.

The only thing i really don't like about that is people start to judge me as either Miserable, Ignorant or Selfish. I don't think i'm Ignorant or Miserable but i can understand the Selfish thing. Of course 'Selfish' is a purely negative term in most peoples consideration. Whereas i see the notion of Family as a mostly Selfish manifestation.

In my experience and observation, 'Family' translates as either expectation, obligation or control, and if that isn't selfish i don't know what is !

I would not accept any of those constraints from People i like & care about let alone People i happen to be Related to !

I like the people i spend time with and i respect they have attitudes and opinions that i will not always share, and often don't. But at least i can choose who they are.

Lastly, i'm going to stop being alone... Don't know how or when, but i'll get my home sorted and some kind of regular thing going.
Start to get involved in things other than work again.

Then, we'll see what happens.

Anyway, i have a great restaurant to go to on my last night here
and my money is about to run out.

Hope you are all well and Happy and i'm thinking about you x

I am well aware of the Shameful level of Communication i have achieved, especially over the last Year.
It's easy to blame my new Job but the truth is, i'm just not very organised.
My Dear Brother, who is considerably more Techno informed than i, has suggested this as the perfect solution to all my Shortcomings ??
So, as we stand on the threshold of a New Year, i Sincerely resolve to maintain this Journal.
I will post Ramblings that reflect my Day to Day Life and as much Travel as i can possibly Cram into it !!
If you can be bothered to Read it, i hope you will then feel an uncontrollable urge to Respond.
Have a Wonderful Year, but above all, a Happy one x